Fear of Failure: A Dance Psychologist’s Confession

My Very First Step

It’s Friday evening, 8:47 p.m. I’m sitting at my computer, listening to the siren of an ambulance outside and the city buzzing in the background.
“What should I write to capture your attention?” I ask myself.

“This is your very first blog post ever, just do your best,” my thoughts whisper.
But immediately another voice follows: “Am I good enough? Can I really pull this off? What if I can’t explain something clearly? What if I don’t know what to do in certain situations? Aren’t I supposed to be the one who knows everything?! ”

Admitting Mistakes

Just yesterday, I opened a book called How to Fail as a Therapist for the first time. It’s a practical guide listing the most common mistakes therapists make. At the very top of the list? The inability to admit mistakes.

On the one hand, it’s a jab at those who can’t see beyond the tips of their noses. On the other, it’s encouragement for those who are constantly doubting themselves.
Me, immediately: Hello, my name is Josef and I am an alc… a self-doubter.

Sounds familiar?

Meeting My Own Therapist

All therapists have their own therapist. So do I. When I mention that I never feel good enough, my therapist gently brings me back to reality:
“And in what ways do you not feel good enough?”

As I start untangling my carefully built mental webs, it quickly becomes clear that this “perfectly constructed web” is trembling at its very foundations.

To get to where I am now, I completed a PhD in Dance Studies, a Master’s in General Psychology, and another Master’s in Sport Psychology. Along the way I finished several specialized courses, took part in internships, started a five-year psychotherapy training, worked full-time as a teacher at a dance conservatory, became editor-in-chief of a dance magazine… and the list goes on.

So, the next time that little voice says, I’m not good enough, remember my therapist’s question. Take a moment to remember everything you’ve achieved, everything you’ve done for your dream, and everything you’ve sacrificed. And because you’re dancers, I know it’s not a short list. I know it—because I’ve been where you are.

A Note on My Screen

It’s 9:23 p.m. as I finish writing these lines. They poured out effortlessly, and I feel happy that I managed to take this first step. Only now (!) do I notice the sticky note on my monitor:
It doesn’t need to be perfect. Just do it!

Why I’m Sharing This

This post was mainly about me. Why should I be the one opening up to you? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? See—that “supposed to” again.

But here’s why: I wanted to show you that vulnerability is okay. It’s the place from which we can move forward, where the change might occur. It’s the space we’ll explore together— through this website, in coaching and therapy sessions, and in these blog posts.

So welcome to this safe space I’m creating for both you and me! I do this because I know the journey can be hard, and dancers deserve support along the way.

But before you go:

Take a moment to think of three things you’ve already achieved in your dance journey. You may be surprised at how much you’ve already done.

Have a wonderful morning, day, or evening!
Josef